Status Quo

good times, sunshine and summertime... today is JUNE 1^ST! I cant believe that Country Jam is 20 days away. Crazy how fast the year is going.

I go to bed in one pose. Right hip bone on the bed. Parallel to the floor, leg straight. Left leg bent in frog position, hip slightly off bed. Right arm beneath pillow under head. Left arm clutched to chest. No matter how big the bed is, you can find me on the edge. Preferably the right side (if you're laying on your back). Unless we're spooning, that's how I'm sleeping. And unless we're forking, don't expect me to move. I must also be fully covered. Clothed and with blankets (at least a heavy sheet). I get cold too easily. Don't want to take any chances. Speaking of spooning and forking, I had a favorite shirt once. Said spooning leads to forking, with a spoon and a fork. It was green. I don't know what happened to that shirt but I miss it. Hot Topic, bring it back!

I wake up to my cell phone alarm, turn it off. The alarm in the bathroom starts beeping. Grab a towl and turn on the radio. Turn on the water, wait for it to warm up. Do a dance to the song that's on. Hop in. WASH WASH WASH. Hop out. Lay in bed, contemplate going back to bed or getting dressed. Find some clothes and start breakfast. Get dressed, eat. locate shoes and go to work. Typical day right there.

We got back from Arizona late Monday night. I had a extraordinary time. Left Junction Wednesday night and was on our merry way, I drove most of the way and Tommy took the last part. Even though we didn't do much, we were still truly busy. Thursday was filled with visiting the family and friends and Friday we hiked up to Fossil Creek and went swimming. Visited Prescott (nice town, might I add) and ate at In and Out Burger for the very first time. Not all its cracked out to be but still good. Sat around the bon fire and watched people get wasted (couldn't drink due to antibiotics). Saturday was the wedding. Then more drinking and some cake, more bon fire. Sunday was Tommy's nephew, Michaels birthday party. He calls me Hannah Montana. Went with Cathy and Sammi to dinner. Has delicious pizza from Crusty's. Sat around more bon fire, BBQ'd a little food. Monday we said our good byes and got on the road around 11:30 or so. It was incredibly hard to leave. I cried before we even said goodbye (I hate crying, but seem to be doing it more and more these days). I was going to miss seeing everyone. They are just such nice, genuine people that are so filled with love. I had gotten use to having my bed made each day and breakfast waiting down stairs. Having Tommy sleep right next to me every night. I had gotten to know the family and friends a little bit better and I wasn't ready to just leave that so soon. They like me. Why the hell would I want to leave? I didn't. I had to. I have resposibility here. A job. Make that two jobs. An apartment. My own family. Liza. Needless to say, its good to be back. Back into my routine. Back into being at Tommys until 1130 and back up at 630. No more sleeping in (not till the weekend) and no more hanging out in jeans and a t-shirt. Out of the trance and back to real life.

You cant fix me, I'm not broken. So stop trying to tell me how to be. What I need to do, how I need to act, why I am the way I am. You call me crazy and you know what, that's okay. The people who love me for who I am don't mind the craziness. I'm tired of people telling me how my relationship with Tommy should be. Don't put us on a time line. Everyone is different. Give me your opinions and advice, I promise it will be on my mind. But follow it? Probably not. Because I am my own person. Though I believe you are the company you keep, you're still versitile. Surround yourself with bitchy, never happy negative nancys and soon, you will also be a bichy never happy negative nancy. Encircle yourself with people that are happy, positive upbeat, laughing people and that is what you will be. Every one has their bad days, but never let any one bring you down. You're better than that. Only you can change your life.

I am a home body. I fidget a lot. Paint picking, leg tapping, napkin ripping, hair puller. I cant pee in front of people, unless its someone im super uber close with. If it's a crowded restroom with lots of noise, no problem. But if its me and you, I usually suggest you sing a song. I actually check the cubicles at work before I run to the restroom to make sure I'm going to be all alone. I don't know what my fear is. And I don't know if or when ill be over it. For now please, sing a song. I've re-fallen (if that's a word) in love with Fun Dip and Pop Rocks  and I've found stores that sell it on a regular basis. I had to have them when I saw them. And my words were, fun dip. That's fun. I laughed out loud. Speaking of laughing out loud, who the hell thought of LOL and why do we use it constantly, even in text messaging? LOL that's so funny. Why couldn't you just type, haha or that's so funny instead of some strange acronym, LOL. Pronounce that next time you want to laugh. Just say it. Not L O and then L say lol. Kind of like lowell. Oh my. What have I started.

Nothing agitates me more than when at the end of a text message there is a dot dot dot (…) I know it seems silly but in most cases, a dot dot dot means there is more to be said. I know Lacey used to write things and put a … after it but she would continue typing. Kind of… like this… and it… wasn't so bad… but…. That was AIM. Text messaging its harder to read the dialect. I know when I write blogs, I add periods and commas in where my brain pauses. Because that's how I think. In the middle of sentences, my brain stops. So I put a period. And. Just like that. The thought continues. Maybe im just slow. Who knows. I mention this only because it leaves things open ended. There is a party tomorrow and I'd like to go… are you asking permission to go? Are you inviting me to come along? Is the dot dot dot your way of stating you want to go alone? And me, miss over analyzer, gets confused easily so then I have to waste more time asking what exactly the dot dot dot means or get lost assuming.

My friend Skylar (miss you so much buddy), once told me change means progress and progress is just growth. And I thought those were wise words. That's all I want to say about that. Think about it.

Why do we always rely on others to catch us when we fall? Catch yourself. You cannot rely on anyone but yourself in the end. So prepare for that now.

I lie when I say I like jelly beans (Jelly Belly of course). I only think I like jelly beans. When it comes down to it, I'm just as picky abou them as any other thing to eat. I prefer the marshmallow, popcorn, root beer, cream soda, café latt, cotton candy, french vanilla, dr pepper and grapefruit. Haha. I feed Tommy the rest. Lucky him ;) also, passing people on the high way (two lanes) scares the crap out of me. I get SO nervous and most of the time, have to wait for a passing lane because I have a panic attack.

"Be loved but never love someone more than yourself. Attach but never combine. Trip but never fall. To be broken is better than shattered. Reveal your strength but never your weakness. Be trustworthy but never trust. Be cracked but never opened." Someone wrote it.

Lacey, safe travels to NY. Believe it or not, I will miss you (or the friendship that once was). Nicolette, come back to Colorado. Delaware is too far. Melissa, happy for you and Franz. Congrats on the baby. Happy 21^st birthday Caroline Chant. I hope it was amazing. Valerie, I promise we're doing lunch soon. Jenna (California), havent heard from you in a while. I hope that all is going well. Erica, I love that you are my lunch buddy and my venting lady. Always on the same page. Skylar, I'm coming to visit your ass in two months. I wish we lived closer. Michele, I never see you anymore either. I'm glad life is good as 1-2. Amanda, how can we live in the same town and work at the same place and never hang out? J-Rand, thanks for the new nick name and always being my girl. Me love you long time. Jessica Thomas, you're beautiful. I want wedding pictures. Britney, dinner next week! Devil (Devin Francil) I love your comments on the blogs so give it to me, baby! Kellie Drake, dinner? Alisa, you and Lyle rock my world. And you're beautiful. Abigail Sanchez, call me back. Love you all. Oh, and all my cousins I saw at lunch two weekends ago; it was so nice to see all of you. Lets not wait until Thanksgiving to meet up again.