Status Quo

We look forward to it coming again just as soon as it's gone. We pick out clothes to wear and pack up the cooler with lots of water. Bring the sunscreen and a squirt bottle. 

You yell and scream and dance at the musicians. Some songs make you laugh. Some make you cry. You buy your tickets to get your beer and mixed drinks. Find some ice cream somewhere along the line. You lose your key, your money, and your cell. You bring along a friend to help you find it. Sometimes, you're lucky enough to discover it was right where you left it. You dance, shake your badonkadonk and laugh at random people. You fall while walking in the field because its bumpy and you get lost trying to find your seat or your car. You check out all the vendors: smores, airbrushed tattoos, car stickers, clothes. Head to the shirt shack to pick up a souvenir. Its one big friends and high school reunion. It's a damn good time. It's your favorite only-comes-once-a-year occasion. It's COUNTRY JAM! What a wonderful line up it was this year. Gary Allan, Brad Paisley, Teri Clark, Trace Adkins, Toby Keith, and Taylor Swift were my favorites. I met up with some friends I hadn't seen in a while (Eric, Jess, Brandon, Nan, John, Marisol) and ran into some people I didn't care to see, too. There is always some laughs, and tears. And drama and too many beers. But in the end, it's totally worth it. You get closer to some friends, further from others. Some people say they're going to come and they don't and you just have to let it go. You're going to have a fantastic time either way. I'm so thankful I had my friends this year I had so much fun. Thanks for making it one to remember cause next year, I'll be 21 and won't remember anything J

It's about that time for transition again. I am done working at Kohl's. And I'm out and about searching for a new FT job. I passed my certificate test. Taking my state exam… well. I know I'm not going to pass so I'm just not going to take it. Kind of immature (pick what word you may) to not just suck it up and take it but really. I don't care.

It feels as if it's been forever since I have written. So many things have been going on in my head. But then it's hard to write about some of it because you don't want to piss anyone off.

Who you were in the past does not justify who you are today. And I came up with that shit by myself! Just because you were someone in the past is no excuse for who or what you are right now.

If you're looking for a non-bias outlook, on anything, good luck. In the end it comes down to we all are the same. And we all have an opinion that is based on a past experience or someone who had a similar experience.

When it comes to life, you are the writer of your own. And really, no one elses. You are the topic of conversation, the decision maker. No one else can write your story. Unfortunately, most of life is written in pen. There are things that you cannot erase (written in ink, hello). Sometimes, you can take it back or scribble it out. Pretend like it never happened but most of the time you just have to keep on writing. There are days or events... times when you fall short and need to start a new chapter. You meet a new character, go out to a new adventure. You meet the good, the bad and the ugly. But you are the holder of your destiny. Learn the hard way, learn the not so hard way or continue to wallow in your mistakes (self pity and blaming others too). But. When you feel its time, start a new chapter. Leave your reader on the edge of their seat, wanting more. But remember that they only get what you give them. You write it. No one else.

3 words. Containing hundreds of emotions, together they make a thousand meanings. Hard to say, easy to feel. Unsure of the right time to reveal it, waiting for the reaction. Don't rush it but declare it. You can hide it but if you don't say it, you just might lose it. Then again, actions speak louder than words.

Wise words from my lovely friend Britney "Sure there will always be times that are more rough than others but Patience, Love, and Compassion gets you through it, not the HARD WORK FACTOR. Work is something you're paid to do. You do it cause you have to in order to survive in this world. Love is a choice and a reward. You choose to love and be loved in return."

The Twelve Laws of Karma – Found this online and I think its very very very very VERY relevant

THE GREAT LAW
As you sow, so shall you reap.
This is also known as the Law of Cause and Effect.
Whatever we put out in the Universe is what comes back to us.
If what we want is happiness, peace, friendship, love...
Then we should BE happy, peaceful, loving, a friend.
Whether it's negative or positive energy sent out to others it will come back to you ten-fold.

THE LAW OF CREATION
Life doesn't just HAPPEN, it requires our participation.
We are one with the Universe both inside and out.
Whatever surrounds us gives us clues to our inner state.
BE and DO yourself what you want to have in your life.

THE LAW OF HUMILITY
What you refuse to accept, will continue for you.
If what we see is an enemy, or someone with a character
trait that we find to be negative, then we ourselves are
not focused on a higher level of existence, or maybe need to if it bothers us we need to deal with the enemy "inside"

THE LAW OF GROWTH
Wherever you go, there you are.
For us to GROW it is WE who must change and not
the people, places or things around us.
The only given we have in our lives is OURSELVES,
and that is the only factor we have control over.
When we change who and what we are within our heart, our
life changes too.

THE LAW OF RESPONSIBILITY
Whenever there is something wrong, there is something wrong in me.
We mirror what surrounds us and what surrounds us mirrors us:
we must take responsibility for what is in our life.

THE LAW OF CONNECTION
Even if something we do seems inconsequential,
it is very important that it gets done as everything in the
Universe is connected. every little thing you do is important.
Each step leads to the next step and so forth and so on.
Someone must do the initial work to get a job done.
Neither the first step nor the last are of greater significance-
they were both needed to accomplish the task.
Past, Present, Future...they are all connected...

THE LAW OF FOCUS
You can't think of two things at the same time.
You should climb up a ladder on step at a time.
When you lose your focus, you let in insecurities
and anger.

THE LAW OF GIVING AND HOSPITALITY
If you believe something to be true, then sometime in your life
you will be called upon to demonstrate that truth. Here is where
we put what we SAY that we have learned into PRACTICE.

THE LAW OF HERE AND NOW
Looking back to examine what was prevents us from being totally
in the HERE AND NOW.
Old thoughts, old patterns of behavior, old dreams...
Prevent us from having new ones.

THE LAW OF CHANGE
History repeats itself until we learn the lessons
that we need to change our path.

THE LAW OF PATIENCE AND REWARD
All Rewards require initial toil.
Rewards of lasting value require patient and persistent toil.
TRUE JOY follows doing what we're suppose to be doing, what we truly love to do, and waiting for the reward to come in it's own time.

THE LAW OF SIGNIFICANCE AND INSPIRATION
You get back from something whatever
you've put into it.
The value of something is a direct result of
the energy and intent that is put into it.
Every personal contribution is also a contribution to the Whole.
Lack luster contributions have no impact on the Whole
or work to diminish it.
Loving Contributions lift up and inspire the Whole.

Now is time for the randomness.

I'm sorry JT for chucking a jar (why is it a jar when its plastic, I thought jars were glass?) of peanut butter at your head in college. I'm sorry to Keshia that I've done everything I know possible to get your attention and I have failed. I'm sorry that more people choose to only be my friend at work (the one I no longer even work at) and then magically they like, don't want to talk to you or don't make time anymore. I'm sorry to say that I need to start actually living my life, that I've been holding back: I need more hobbies, more sleep, more solid friendships. I need to look those people in the eye, the ones who tell me what to do, the ones who interrupt me mid sentence every single sentence, and say pick up a mirror instead of a magnifying glass because your life is hella more fucked up than mine. I'm sorry to the friends that my words and supposable guidance isn't sufficient enough to help you fix whatever you think is broken in your life. But its YOUR life and I'm just TRYING to help. Thank you to all my real friends. The real ones. You know who you are. For always always always confiding in me, letting me confide in you. Letting me come to you in tears and say look, I'm freaking out. Talk to me. The friends who stay positive and know that it will work out for the best. Thanks to all my newer friends who are constantly reminding me what real friends consist of. I'm sorry that I cannot stop pulling out my hair. That it ends up everywhere because its dry and I stress out too easy. I'm sorry I'm cranky while at work. Fax machines are calling the wrong number, people don't want to take their calls, and CS is wasting time telling me someone else's life story and precisely, I DON'T CARE about this shit anymore. I have allergies, I can't stand that people are so damn good at lying. Because I am not. I feel guilty. I hate having to hide shit and that's why I'm horrible at it. Usually right after I tell the lie, I say I have a confession, I lied. Because I just cant do it. I love when people mind their own business. I hate when I try not to make someone else's business my business but it happens anyway. Any who, that's enough out of me. Yes its true that so many things are easier said than done but often times, its better to just do them instead of talk about it.

What a beautiful mess.